Waking Up

Wow! I feel like I've been gone so long that I should reintroduce myself ... in more ways than one! I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner, Beth has been around for 9 1/2 months, Thomas is in preschool ...
You know how they do those little questionnaires at your 6-week appointment after your baby is born to make sure you're not going crazy? Well, that wasn't a problem ... but soon after my appointment, we moved and a million other things were going on, and I started falling apart. I should have gotten help sooner, but thought I was getting better, yadda yadda yadda. I made an appointment to see my old OB/GYN from here back in August, but couldn't get in till September, which I did. She put me on meds, they sucked and didn't work out, ugh. So, last week I went to a FP and she was terrific (in spite of my laundry list of stuff to ask about). I'm now on Celexa for post-partum depression and I feel like I'm all of a sudden waking up to the world (hence the title of the post). I've felt like the real me had been shoved out and just watching this crazy mean person run (ruin?) my life, and my family's life. It's been so frustrating, it feels like you're in this big hole and trying to climb out but someone keeps dumping more dirt on you, you can't get out, and it's heavy! When I explained that last bit to Clay, he said "Yeah, you don't have to tell me, I've had to deal with it for years, but you do explain the feeling a lot better than me!" True enough, it gives me a new perspective on how he has to wrestle his emotions and reactions ALL the time, not just for a horrible several months.
But now I really am getting better, I can tell on so many levels! I've *missed* Thomas when he's gone, he has a new sparkle that we haven't seen regularly in WAY too long, and I'm generally happier and easier to be around. Yea! Now I just have to get the house and the family back on track (not in that order!) There's lots of stuff I want to do with the house, but I've been so out of sorts that I haven't managed to get off the couch long enough to accomplish something real in ... um, let's just say a long time. I have tons of sewing and mending to catch up on, too! As far as the kids are concerned, I can play (for short periods of time, this is medicine, not a miracle!) and I'm looking forward to starting to work with Thomas in workbooks and fun activities as we settle into a manageable and balanced schedule. Beth gets to play too, but really a baby can't do much with crafts other than chewing on the pieces!
Expect to see more of me on here in the future, but I'll be spending less time on the computer overall - I have a life to get back to!