Being Mommy

As I'm writing this, Thomas is avoiding Rest Time by eating Cheerios and counting them (I declined the invitation to join him). As I'm sitting here listening to him and holding a teether for Beth, I'm thinking about how fast the kids are growing. It seems like just yesterday that Thomas was using the Exersaucer and yelling "Bwaaaaaaaaa! Arrrrrrrr! Ahhhhhhhh!" at the top of his lungs, and here Beth is, Thomas having outgrown it nearly 2 years ago. By the way, Beth is the seventh kid to use this toy, Kelley recounted for me while we were visiting on our Girls' Weekend.
Girls' Weekend was fun as always; this was the 10th Annual so we were doing "The Power of Ten" as our theme. We didn't get to do all the activities Jill had planned for us (alas, because they were really cool) but we did do 2: Write 10 things you like about yourself (3 have to be physical attributes). The other was Write 10 Accomplishments you're proud of. It was cool because while we could have easily come up with things for each other, it was quite a bit harder (and more time-consuming!) to come up with stuff about ourselves. It was actually really empowering - I wish we had been able to do the other activity she had come up with too.
We also got to get a massage, my first ever - I can see why people who have the money keep a massage therapist on staff! I'm wondering what specific types of massage would help my headaches, I'm betting there's something out there. I am getting SO tired of using bottles of Excedrin!
Believe it or not, that little segue on the Girls' Weekend is actually related to the first paragraph ... being away from the kid(s) for the weekend (Beth joined us part of the time, she refused to take the bottle) really made me realize how much I would miss if I were working outside the home. I certainly wouldn't mind the extra cash that would be available, but I would miss so many of the cute, cool, and overall amazing advances my kids make each day. There is something really amazing about a life that is nothing more than POSSIBILITY, or BECOMING. Let me explain that, since I'm pretty sure that what I mean with the caps isn't obvious.
Neither of the kids has much life experience under the belt, they haven't made any real life-altering decisions, they have very little in the way of limitations (ie neither will ever be real royalty unless they marry into it). Everything that they will become in the future has yet to be decided; yet, in a way everything is being decided right now. Each new day shapes in some way what they will become, how their personalities grow, what experiences they will be open to in the future. It's kind of overwhelming what an impact I make on the future just by raising my kids. I love who they are already, so I guess I'm doing ok, even though some days are better than others.
The funny thing is, the same thoughts apply to my life as an adult ... sure, the little things every day shape me, but my whole life is ahead of me and I can do whatever I want with it. A lot of days I wonder if I really do want what I'm doing right now, but with every new thing my kids do that I like I become more certain that I wouldn't want to do anything else.
Are you doing what you want right now? If not, what's holding you back?